Drunkwakening
by cormangela
Summary: these are the musings of a horny drunk chick whose friends keep telling her to write things and make bad choices you guys are the worst. these are obviously not meant to be taken very seriously
1. Ephraim and lyon are gay and they die

Ephraim was sobbing into lyons beautiful pink tutu skirt he was so sad. Why. why did lyon sacrifice himself to defeat walpufprgisttnaufhct instead of letting Ephaim gigtht? no matter what he did lyon woudl jsut keep fighting like a fucking sorry piece of shit and then hed die like an asshole. wait am i writing the plot to fe8. no im not ok this is madokas.

'ephraim chan stop youre staining the lace plese' lyon cried as he patted ephraims baby head. 'and take of ft hose glasses you look silly alright." it only made ephraim cry harder. _i picked these out to impess you god damn it_ he thought. then lyon stopped breahting. no dramatic last words like int he movees because fucK you it doestn happen that way. well the glasses thing was dramatic enoughf ro ephraim because he threw the pink sparkliy glasses to the ground and stomped on them like he was in the navy.

"I swer. I WILL AVENG YOU" ephraim scramed except he didnt mean to scream he accdietntally hit caps lock whe he tried to hit the a key. but he screamed loudly anyway because it felt like thr right thing to do. then his shield started doing the timyey thing and it was spinning and the room is spinning and im spinning and ephraim walked through the time reversal whatever like a badass wtih his hair blOWING even though theres probably no wind in time travle BUT ITS EPHRAIM AND IT LOOKED COOL ANYWAY.

the first day ephraim ever visited the grado castle lyon staread at him with hearts in his eyes and im rptty sure that its canon that lyon had literal heart eyes when he first met ephraim bc he is gay an so is pehraim. ephraim tried to look all cooll and aloof even though lyon was really the cool one except not really theyre both fucking nerds but lyon is cooler in compasrion. ephraim felt his heart flutter out fo his chest and then they made out in a broom closet indstead of saving the world so they could both die and eirika was left to clean up the fucking mess like alwaysl.


	2. naesala and gerik get laid

innes and gerik were really going at it and i mean REALLY going at it like they were monkeys being filmed for a documentary they wre putting on a god damn show even though no one was wathcing. at least they thought so until some dude with giant ass blakc wings showed up and was like 'ayyy i see you got yourself a hot motherfuckin archer with a hot mullet too' and gerik was like 'aw hell yeah' so gerik and naesala high fived and leonaerrdo blushed and innes smacked geril. but geriks is weird so he enjoyed it and it turned innes on so they continued to make out.

holy shit this bird man is really hot, inees thought to my self but he actualy said it out loud while geriks dtongue was down his throat so it really came out more liek blahrefsbalharlghabahhbhfhe and gerik was lik e that s hot and he fucked him upside down and it was awesome. but naesala twas the best at fucking and he would not be outdone byt his stupid bara heuman and he didnt stop until leonaefrad o was sscareming so loud they could hear it all the awy i n frelaia oh by the way this story takes palce in grado kk. all was fine and they were midng their onw business until naesala convinced gerik that it would be hot if the two anime mullet archers made out. and they did. and it was hot. they cummed all over magvela nd it drowned everyone the end


	3. cormag and angela bang frederick

me and cormag are so hot so we are married and we started fucking but with protection of course because i dont want any god damn kids except i alreayd have like 5 of them apparently. so loo k at what good that did me. but i lvoe my sehicldren buT THATS NOT WAHAT THIS IS ABOUT ITS ABOUT ME FINALLY GETTING FUCKED OKAY. SO I FUCKED CORMAG. AND IT WAS AWESOME. then frederick decided he wanted to join and cormag was like aight that cool because cormag is awesome and in my head he is tottally hoperan to us bring other hot men into the bedroom so mr s fi red ckeri joins us and hes so hot i lvoe him i marrieed him tonight. so we all fucked and it was aesome we did it in my room and in the ktichen because in this au i live alone so i can fuck my husbands in y kitchen and i have no idea hwy you people wanted me to wrtie this youRE SICK. YOU HEAR ME YOURE FUCKING FSICK OK


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